kefka, pixel.

Dull Rants.

Stuff that I felt like ranting about on the internet for whatever reason.

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kefka, pixel.
To kick this post off - what's even been happening to me? Telepathetic played gigs, I went into uni, I procrastinated over work, I didn't get much done, just like every other post. I'm sure other things must have happened. Oh, I got a pretty nasty flu and pulled a muscle at the same time. It was a poor combo. I spent ages surviving off painkiller cocktails while hallucinating that everything in the world was dramatically changing size. There was this little bale of paper near my bed, and at first I was shocked and stunned that I could even see it when it was so microscopically small, before I found myself staring up at it towering above me and being unable to see anything more than a little corner of it. This happened with most objects in the room - I was totally tripping balls on flu. But yeah, now I'm even more behind on BIMM stuff.

The weird environmental/fashion/whatever based gig me and my group 'The Green Network' are meant to be putting on is kinda going somewhere after I sent lots of long messages to everyone. Dunno quite what I'm meant to be doing now, I'm sure we agreed on roles though. I'm not optimistic about it being a fantastic night, but I'm sure something should get done. There are also about a million other things I should be doing, involving the dreaded ACTUALLY PRACTISING MY BASS. But anyway...

So it's occurred to me that the vast majority of the time I don't really have anything to say that I feel is worth syaing on here, and as a result don't really post anything most of the time. As a cure to this I have found myself a list of thirty things to write about over thirty days, and if it turns out to be thirty days of dull tripe, blame the subjects I was given. Looking at the subjects, I do see large potential for dullness, but hopefully I'll just drift off on some glorius tangent that somehow makes everything interesting. A man can dream.

Day 01- Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02- Where you'd like to be in ten years.
Day 03- Your views of drugs and alcohol.
Day 04- Your views on religion.
Day 05- A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06- Write thirty interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07- Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08- A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09- How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10- Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11- Put your iPod on shuffle and write ten songs that pop up.
Day 12- Bullet your whole day.
Day 13- Somewhere you'd like to move to or visit.
Day 14- Your earliest memory.
Day 15- Your favourite livejournals.
Day 16- Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17- Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18- Your beliefs.
Day 19- Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20- How important you think education is.
Day 21- One of your favourite shows.
Day 22- How have you changed in the past two years.
Day 23- Give pictures of five famous people you find attractive.
Day 24- Your favourite movie and what it's about.
Day 25- Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26- What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27- A problem that you have had.
Day 28- Something that you miss.
Day 29- Goals for the next thirty days.
Day 30- Your highs and lows of this month

Day 01- Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

Here we are, this is interesting. I think so, anyway. Those who have been on my friends list for a while will know about Anya, my girlfriend. We got together on November 15th, I think, or thereabouts, after what had been a rather odd few months for us.

Me and Anya had been friends for really a rather long time. I remember I first started seeing her as part of my group of friends when Reuben started dragging her along (or that's kinda how it seemed) to all the little meetings, where we generally wouldn't talk at all. I remember being totally shocked and in awe when Reuben mentioned to me that he'd managed to have an actual conversation with her. I almost didn't believe him for a bit. That day must've been a good three years ago. Funny that.

Over the next (long period of time), I'm not entirely sure what happened, but Anya had her position as a member of the core group of friends who I saw cemented, likely because me and Reuben existed as a pair (he always pulled me out of the house and managed to stop me being a total recluse by being my best friend, something I've always been quite grateful for) and Reuben always made sure Anya was around. Actaully, me and Reuben were seeing Katie a lot more at the time - like a little trio, we were. Not that that's of any relevance.

But yeah, the more that me and Anya met up the more we got along and realised we had a lot of common interests and stuff. For various reasons, the aforementioned 'core group' kinda started to shrink at points, but I remember I never stopped seeing Reuben, Dan or Anya. Josh made appearances, but this was during the time that I horribly bullied him non-stop for reasons I can't quite think of. More on that another time.

I remember for ages the main way I'd while away an evening was spending ages chatting with Anya on messenger and stuff. We'd play a game called 'Stan and Anya's Generic Question Time' that basically involved us just throwing fairly dull questions at each other for the majority of the evening. Fun times.

And then one day, when she had been one of my favourite friends for a bit, I kinda just started to find her really attractive and found I'd developed quite a liking for her. I was fairly certain she didn't really feel anything for me, but I decided to spend more time around her and just see if maaayybbbee she did. That went on for quite a while and I still wasn't really picking anything up. I remember I told Dan about it after a month or so, but still tried to keep it on the down low for fear of messing up friendships and stuff, but it ended up just getting tougher and tougher and generally feeling like I was going to blow up if I didn't say anything. On the night of my birthday it looked like she was getting together with a mutual friend (who me and her had actually been meeting up with as a a group of three once or twice) and I punched a really rather impressive dent in the ceiling. I'm surprised no-one noticed that dent at any point, it looked pretty cool.

It was also kinda around this time that I was plunged into rather a nasty depression (for many reasons and none). I'm not generally the happiest of people, but this was quite ridiculous. I spent a hell of a lot of time paralysed on the floor in my room. Anya always put a lot of time and effort into helping me - everyone did, but she did a lot more. Anyway, things continued like that, with people shifting from concerned and caring to generally quite pissed off with me not being happy. I remember on Reuben's birthday I downed most of a bottle of Jack Daniels and smacked my head against a lamppost, and got really rather angry at some guy called Victor who was all a kissin' and a gropin' on Anya. Me and the guy who it looked like Anya was going to start going out with on my birthday (Brad, his name is - he had since been rejected) had an epic drunk heart to heart as well. Funny shit.

A while after this, I resolved to tell Anya because I now really felt I had to. I was sure she didn't really feel anything for me either, annnd... I was totally right. olol. She was very nice about it all though, and I was very pleased with the lack of friendship-ruining and awkwardness that came about from it.

So I kept on being horribly depressed and being looked after by Anya whenever I'd collapse into a heap or start punching walls or whatever. As much as I was still depressed, it was fairly helpful. I remember always feeling really guilty that I'd messed up her night (everyone's night, even), but there's only so much I can actually physically pretend to be happy. I got counselling and stuff, and while I was still a very unhappy person I managed to deal with it better and better, ish. I remember when we'd go out drinking Anya would start hugging me or sitting on my lap or whatever, which I thought was just her trying to cheer me up and, well... being drunk. Dan said much the same thing about it.

But then those little things started to get a bit more... I dunno. Either way, I got very, very confused, because it was kinda implied she was at least a little interested. Josh had been saying that for ages, if it matters, and I'd been telling him to stop because I thought he was obviously being stupid about the whole thing.

Me and Anya didn't really talk about whatever it was that was going on for a while, but eventually got 'round it and kinda concluded that we were practically going out already as it was. We then asked for Dan's blessing (as the three Spans are core group, man) on the night of the 14th of November leading over onto the morning of the 15th. It was granted, and a couple we became. Huzzah. What an epicly long and likely dull story. Here are some pictures:

Me and Anya THE ACTUAL LITERAL DAY AFTER I told her I liked her and she said she didn't like me back. Observe how pleased at the lack of awkwardness we are.

Me and Anya in Rhodes. Shortly before I got angry and shouted at Reuben for swimming naked near me.

Me and Anya outside Revenge, a gay bar. Shortly before I went up to the roof and curled up into a ball sucking my thumb. I like this picture, though.

Me and Anya on Christmas morning. That was fun.

Anyway, despite how depressing a fair bit of that sounds, I'm actually alright now. I'm very happy to be with Anya, and given how long we've been such good friends and how compatible we can be fairly sure we are, it's looking like it'll be a long, happy relationship. Sorry for writing about it with so much unrelated and pointless detail XD.

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My sister saw me reading this and spent ages saying "NAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" every time I tried to scroll past a picture. Then my mum got involved too, and now I feel quite awkward. Lol.

you guys are adorable. i'm jealous.

(Deleted comment)
Funny, when Anya posted her entry about us she got a lot of comments saying we were cute. I'd never really thought of us that way, but it seems to be unanimous XD. Hardly a bad thing, I suppose.

You could probably make a mood board out of those photos. Definitely could if I dug some more out. Expressions are the spice of faces, I say.

I didn't give my blessing.

I gave a warning.

You did give your blessing.

You also gave a warning.

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