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Dull Rants.

Stuff that I felt like ranting about on the internet for whatever reason.

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PANIC.
kefka, pixel.
sutanri
So I've been a bit on edge again recently. This began when I relaised I had assignments due in at the end of last term (along with all the extended projects and everything) and had to 1. dig around in loads of books for references to back up things I already knew and 2. transcribe most of 'That Is Why' by Jellyfish.



I now see their smug, grinning faces when I close my eyes, and hear the song on loop in my head like it's tinnitus. In particular, I hear the chorus section and the bit in the second verse when he says 'and his copy of enquiring minds'. I may be going mad.


The essay was on Charles Mingus though. Far more enjoyable.

Now, this stuff wasn't that bad because it was only really two things with that deadline and despite being shit at transcription I think I managed to get that and the essay done to a reasonable standard, even if I did have to phone a taxi just so I could walk into BIMM literally one minute before they stopped accepting assignment submissions. A close call, and one that required money, but at least it was done.

At about the same time, all my extended project thingies (work based learning, live music project, and composition) suddenly started seeming a fair bit more optimistic. WBL, which I was on the verge of missing the deadline for learning agreements on, suddenly became okay when I e-mailed the head of the WBL department and started chatting about why I hadn't done it yet and what I could do. LMP, which my group had made very little progress on because none of us can lead or delegate for shit, suddenly began to look salavagable when we just got a venue sorted out for very little money in just one e-mail after what had been a great deal of general faffing about. Composition, which had felt very restrictive with its briefs, suddenly became okay when the tutor said that he felt they were too strict and since he's marking them wouldn't take marks off something being only slightly out - I also listened to otehr students having more difficulty than me, and found my old keyboard and eight-track. And fuck, I've got about five weeks to do all that. No problem, really.

Then I got this letter from BIMM, which basically told me that I'd been rejected from the BA3 course as a result of poor attendance, the basic idea being that if I'm not paying attention to course material now I wont do very well next year. First of all, I do attend the vast majority of the time, it's just that sometimes I don't get hold of the register and forget to sign myself in, and I was ill once or twice and forgot to get it authorised. Essentially my fault, I know, and I'm not proud of it, but it doesn't fit with their reasons and I didn't think attendance mattered that much. On the subject of attendance mattering more than I thought it did in progression, when I had my progression interview I was told that I had the best tutor reference the interviewer had seen all week, handled the interview with a high level of eloquency and understanding of the course (not my opinion, the interviewer showed me her little marking sheet) and I'm on track for a 2:1 for this year and last. I could probably even finish with a 1st if I actually put in a bit of effort for once. Basically, attendance is the only thing standing in my way.

My efforts to try and change their mind by way of an e-mail explaining my situation resulted in me being shouted at and not allowed to speak by a woman from the admissions department. She didn't have to agree with me, but she could've let me actually make my point and the shouting was definitely unnecessary. From there, I've e-mailed my mentor from student support at the University of Sussex (BIMM technically being only a department of the university for the purposes of the foundation degree course) with regards to getting some of my disability information involved and perhaps some e-mails from people the admissions department should really be listening to. We could also get some things written up by my old counseller Lalli Howell, as she's fairly well respected, but all in all I think the basic idea is to see if we can convince them that since the problems in my studentship are directly related to a 'disability' which I get DSA funding for, getting rid of me could be a poor move - maybe even discrimination. It seems a touch underhanded, but I WANT MY B.A. What's the point of an F.D., anyway? I also e-mailed my head of department (who gave me the lovely, glowing reference) thanking him and asking him if there's anything else he could do - I'm pretty sure he can do about fuck all more to get me on to the course, but my Mum thought it'd be a good idea.

After this, my LMP once again ground to a hault. We're all discussing little more than who's meant to be doing what and none of us can make any decisions. I then realised that my WBL plans rely fairly heavily on my LMP going well. And with battling for a uni place, likely followed by looking for an appropriate one year FD to BA conversion elsewhere, likely followed by wallowing in self pity, likely followed by job hunting taking up time as well, who's to say even composition will go well? Okay, that last bit was a bit pessimistic. That was worst case scenario, and I'm normally treated to more than my fair share of luck with these things. Still, it looks unlikely that I'm progressing further in BIMM.

So yeah, there's been the "they must've made a mistake!" discussion with mother, the awkward lecture-based discussion with father where he struggles to work out who he's actually angry at, and a fair amount of concern from the world of facebook. But of course, things normally turn out fine. Perhaps not always in a way that's totally ideal, or beneficial to my self-esteem, but always in a way that I can count myself lucky for. It'll be fine.

In lighter news, I did some phoning around about a bursary I might be entitled to, and it turns out it should be going into my account pretty soon. That's £1000 for me. Hurrah! I can also reclaim some tax from the job I had at Comet over Christmas. That's about £100 for me. Yay! I intend to get myself a haircut, some new shoes, Pokemon White and maybe a summer jacket of some sort in celebration - ideally all on the same day. Also, it's my birthday coming up on the 22nd of April. BOOM. Just hope I can actually relax myself enough to enjoy it.

I'm sure I had other things to talk about, but I can't remember what they are and this entry is pretty long. Maybe I'll update with something else soon, but, well... you know me. Probably not going to happen XD

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