kefka, pixel.

Dull Rants.

Stuff that I felt like ranting about on the internet for whatever reason.

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New Year and the like.
kefka, pixel.
Well first of all since it's been a few weeks since my last post I will update a thing or two. First of all, despite my relatively OK start, I began to both A) despise every second of my job, when every ten minutes felt like a sould-destroying hour and B) fail epically at my job despite trying harder than anyone else (as far as I can tell). After feeling so horrible about it I took three days off (all nine hour shifts) I wandered into a New Year's Eve party at my friend Josh's house and was briefly interrogated by colleague Ben, before being lightly hassled by his girlfriend Jaz, about not going in. There was mention of it being ridiculous that I would decide that I was doing shit and just quit, talk of the amount of money I lost, and a short attempt to try and convince me I'd actually been doing really well which seems a bit odd since there's a table with people listed in order of performance that I was at the bottom of all the time :/. Ah well, I've made some money off it and I definitely don't want to be hired after my contract expires now, so no worries I don't suppose. It did throw my mood off a bit though, because I'd been feeling a bit ashamed about A) failing B) buckling under pressure and C) lying about being ill to avoid going in as it was.

It wasn't much helped by the fact that also when I came in Anya was in her bra - I understand that it's more an issue of me being a bit weird with what affects me, but yeah. I really despise nakedness at parties and stuff, and Anya having taken off her top heavily implied that people had already started playing a game involving taking off clothes and this was going to be one of those nights. I am also bestowed with the great curse of ULTIMATE JEALOUSY and INSANE OVER-PROTECTIVENESS. I try and control such things, but I'm a bit shit at it.

People then picked up on that and decided to troll me for a while too, and when Dan saw I was getting slightly upset by it he immediately sighed and just said "Stan, don't". Fair enough really, since I have been known to spoil things by getting inconveniently upset, but that again did not help.

And all that's rather a shame really, since I actually arrived at the party in very high spirits, though my good mood was quite precarious as it was based on a very particular way of viewing the events previous to the party. I had gotten my band a gig through one of my Mum's friends, that was as far as I was aware at some private party. It turns out said party was a 60th birthday party, but since we had been invited by the birthday girl herself I thought it'd all be fine. We got set up, just our little instrumental trio, looking out over a room of over 60s and small children. We had no mics or anything, so I just shouted as loud as I could "HI, OVER HERE! EVERYONE! WE'RE TELEPATHETIC!" and we burst into our song 'Don Tiramisu'. Basically, we cleared out about half the pub with our first song, and there was some guy giving me an incredibly evil look the entire time. As we played our next two, most of the rest of the pub went too, and I felt obliged to shout "CLEARING OUT THIS PUB TONIGHT IS... TELEPATHETIC!"

As we neared the end of our fourth song, the new 60 year old walked into the room and briefly clapped before saying "Yeah! Great! We're just putting on a disc now". So, to summarise: we played a tiny gig in the middle of nowhere that ate into our NYE party time and got a ton of hate before being kicked off stage less than a third of the way through our set. I could not stop laughing. Neither could Mikey or Dave. And here's the thing: we actually played well. We didn't fuck up, we stayed tight and solid, we had a ton of energy and they hated it. There was something incredibly pleasing, somehow liberating about that. Of course, it could also be viewed in a more basic way as the biggest failure of a gig I've ever been even remotely linked to.

But yeah, then I kinda ruined everyone's evening by being a bit quiet and mopey all the time (the alcohol probably didn't help). Must learn to not do that.

That said, the evening did kind of pick up a bit later, when a massive fake wrestle started shortly followed by some odd dancing. I have videos of both on my phone. They are brilliant. I got my New Year's kiss from Anya and all that jazz, which was nice - she decided against dodging me :D

Oh god, I haven't written about Christmas. I'll write about it in the simplest way possible to avoid taking up loads of space. PRESENTS BOUGHT: Teapot and cookie jar in cupcake design (Mum), Darksiders and Ninety-Nine Nights for Xbox (Billy - little brother on Mum's side), The Expendables on DVD (Dad), facepacks and stuff or whatever (Clare - Stepmum), tea set painting kit and bouncy ball making kit (Dolly - elder of two younger sisters on my Dad's side), big pink teddy thing (Vernie - younger of two younger sisters on my Dad's side), 720pHD webcam and Fable II + Dragon Age: Origins for Xbox (Anya). I also apparently chipped in for a rare Orange Juice CD for Paul, my soon to be Stepdad. I intend to buy my friends belated presents.

PRESENTS RECEIVED: portable Pignose amp, beard trimmer, some nice scotch, some nice cheese, a
book on Captain Beefheart, some DVDs, some CDs, some t-shirts, a jumper, some money, etc. CBA to properly list. Either way, I'm very pleased with this year. Anya stayed with me at my Mum's house for breakfast and drinks and stuff, and that was much japes and a half.

As to other recent goings on in life, a PvP roleplay conducted over facebook (but in a similar style to a narrative tabletop, kinda) has taken my friend group by storm. The setting is a little drab, but the whole concept is brilliant - we all have the potential to be the Eidolon, this great Jesus-like figure, but we have to kill our competitors first. We started off not knowing anything about each other, and had to kind of weedle information out of each other to get anywhere with it. All our characters seem to have very different abilities, and it's become a very interesting game in which I'm always very eager to hear what happens next. I would say some of the interesting things I'm trying to do, but competitors have access to this livejournal ;)

Also, I've done fuck all BIMM work over the holidays. This means I am likely to either fail or get a shit mark when my group finally manages to set up a live music event somewhere. YAY.

I would do a review of the year or something, but my memory fails me and I don't have a whole lot to say about this year. I'll just close with some resolutions:

1. As with the last few years, I'd like to gain some motivation in life. I'd like to use my time, finish the projects I start and actually do something with my year so I have stuff to say next year. I've not been progressing on the bass, I've not been making my roleplay system, I've not been making mead, I've not been doing excercise or yoga or MMA, I've not been doing my BIMM work, etc etc etc. You get the idea.

2. I would like to try to be more creative and actually practise what I preach with music. At the moment I'm not sure I'm really cutting it.

3. I'd like to be happy about who I am, and find reasons for that that I actually care about.

...or are 2 and 3 just filler? Anyway, sorry for the rather lengthy post. A belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too, Stan. Let's have a look at your rants. If the end of your job is on the horizon, not to worry, as I've said before. There'd be another job lined up, and like you said, you've made money out of it. It's all experience, even if it's painful...

As for this taking-off-clothes-lark (certainly some kinky Brits out there), rest-assured I'd have acted much the same. Jealousy, over-protectiveness, just plain dislike; I can imagine experiencing all of them.

As for a gig that everybody hated but you loved, I'd revel in that, my boy. When it comes to writing, they say the best technique is to write what you're happy with, what you enjoy. You seem to have done that, so fair play.

Oh, and rest assured, being mopey won't ruin everyone's evening; people understand. Unless you're tossing furniture around, it's a not a major concern.

Finally, I'm glad to hear Anya didn't dodge, your Christmas haul (given and received) is impressive, your resolutions are inspiring (actually not all that different from my own aspirations).

I suppose the issue with the job is just more that it's a double failure. Failure to actually do my job well is one, but the failure to cope with the job is more of a worry for me. But yeah, I have learnt a lot from working there. I can now pretend to know about electronics.

And the issue with the clothes I suppose is more that my rather large dislike of the whole situation makes me the odd one out, and it's just me getting in the way of everyone else. The same is true of dancing, though I don't really mind other people dancing, and choice in music and stuff like that. I'm just not really sure what to do with stuff like that.

The gig was fun, yeah :D

I think me being mopey does cause people trouble - people tend to either get a bit sad themselves and divert attention to trying to help me (most likley to no avail) or get frustrated with me. I'll have to learn to stop it, or at least lie. I hate lying >.<.

Thanks much for the comment and such.

If everyone else is in their element with their clothes coming off, perhaps you are the most sensible...! I too have a love of honesty, so your best bet is to try and avoid it happening at all. Which rest assured, is possible. And you're welcome, anything I can do just let me know.

Haha, that's a nicer way of putting it :P. And yeahhh, I've been improving on that front. I think if my resolutions go better this year I'll be 99% free of such moments, so wish me luck on those.

Funny reading this when it was pretty much proved today that you were actually doing really well at your job. But I guess it doesn't really matter if you didn't like it there much and don't want to keep the job. And like I said before, I wouldn't have even taken the job if I had to do that many hours, so you can't really say that you failed.

Why did they get you to play if they weren't going to like your music?

That still makes no sense to me, I was checking the figures all the time. And as if the fact that I could see the numbers and how faily they were with my own eyes wasn't enough, it really felt like I was failing when I was speaking to everyone in the store and getting absolutely nothing. I suppose the immediately stopping thing just seems bad because I did exactly the same thing with my last job, and it's all building with this image I seem to have built up for myself as rather lazy :/

I have no clue why she asked me to play, she clearly just had the wrong idea about the kind of thing we played - that said, my Mum definitely explained it to her o.O. Either way, it was funny.

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